Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize