and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
