I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
accomplished twins. life is a go
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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