Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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