a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
