ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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