Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
