he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize