I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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