i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
not ubering you a puppy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
