Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize