Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
