Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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