Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
