'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize