Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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