there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
