i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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