stop calling my apartment porn island.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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