Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
