I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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