So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
