You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
