Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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