She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
