Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This baby is an asshole
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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