90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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