So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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