mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
