the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im on a boat
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