If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
