She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
