I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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