when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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