I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize