have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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