he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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