New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
