fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
