Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
