3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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