so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
