i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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