quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize