Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
