My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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