a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize