I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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