Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have tasted many bathrooms
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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