I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
