My liver just broke up with me...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
