i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
