I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
