$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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