Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
