I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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