He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize