My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
