he wants to bone in the snuggie
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
did you just send me my own nude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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