When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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