So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
