I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
