Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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