If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you win again, gameday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
