just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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