either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
